When I was in high school I was enrolled in a variety of AP (Advanced Placement) classes. These classes at the time were designed to prep you for the end of the year AP test that would potentially provide college credits. This also allowed for a weighted GPA which on paper made my grade point average look a lot higher than standard averages. This became a game to see how good I could look on paper. My Ego told me that a 4.0 was just not good enough. I needed the 5.2 GPA to prove that I could be better, and look better in the process. Extra-curricular activities, senior awards, sports, GPA, volunteering, essays, and auditions became my life. Medals, titles, awards, and achievements became my own standard of success. I graded myself based on how many of these things I could WIN and fill up my resume with to look like the model student.

This “old me” was probably not someone I would want to be friends with today. The perfectionism and toxic lifestyle took over. I was withdrawn, anxious, overworked, burnt out, exhausted, inauthentic, and over-achieving. This carried into my life in college and post-college as well. I was constantly trying to achieve the next thing. At a certain point I think I lost site of why I was doing it all in the first place. It sure didn’t bring me joy. It may have gotten me promotions, recognition, and money, but I was scrambling to figure out who I was in it all. I never felt like I was doing enough. I was working so hard to WIN life that I really ended up losing in my mental health, happiness, and relationships.

When I found yoga, this all changed. I learned that I could be myself and still be accepted. I learned that if I focused on being my truest self away from roles and titles, that I would succeed because I was content with who I was becoming. My definition of success changed from achieving the next thing to feeling balanced and free of anxiety. I had a purpose as a yoga teacher and as a student. I felt successful by doing something fulfilling with my career, time, and energy. I was full of self-love and acceptance. Things magically fell into place for me because my intentions and actions welcomed it all in. I flourished in my relationships and felt confident in my path and destiny. I was enough.

Then BAM… I became a Mom. And then BAM… I went back to work. All of a sudden, I was a Working Mom. This was unknown territory for me, and frankly terrifying. I went back to work FAR too early at 3 weeks postpartum and feelings of “needing to do it all,” flooded my system because I wanted to prove to myself that I could. I thought that everything would be at least semi-similar as it was before my new role. I was scheduling marketing emails while pumping in between baby naps. I answered phone calls and went to manager meetings with my baby strapped to me like a Koala. I did laundry and planned meals and survived on very little sleep. I continued to fight for my business even though I had no time or energy. I felt as though I had to figure out how to succeed in my life every single day. Only problem was that winning and success looked completely different. I attempted to excel at work, home, and parenting all while attempting to say sane and personally grow. I took a step back and honestly asked myself, “how do you think you are doing Samantha?” My own report card? A good old C- Average with a side of mediocrity and exhaustion. I constantly felt like I was letting people down. I was unmotivated and anxious. I kept my head above water and defined success by merely completing tasks and sneaking in showers. When I was at work, my mind was at home. When I was at home, my mind was at work. The practices of mindfulness and presence that I worked so hard to master went out the window trying to stay on top of the buzzing task list in my head.

And yet, amongst the chaos I didn’t even notice that I was still doing a pretty darn good job. I achieved things that I didn’t think were logistically and physically possible. I birthed a beautiful baby who changed my heart and soul and managed to take care of her while working and supporting my career. I made sacrifices in order to help provide for my family. I had to get really good at setting boundaries. It was all worthy, and it was enough.

As I attempted to reinvent the way that I looked at my new way of life, I realized that becoming a Working Mom was like re-enrolling in Advanced Placement Classes of life. I tried to define success as a working Mom as though I was enrolled in my past life. I resorted to old patterns and habits because the challenge of doing it all made me feel like a failure. I didn’t feel like I was good enough for it all. I was overcompensating for the lack of control and fear and I began to lose myself and my core values.

I realized that my Working Mom C- gradepoint average was almost equivalent to an A+ performance for most people. Maybe if I tried just a LITTLE less at winning this whole working Mom thing, slowed down, and instead put my focus and attention on the things that mattered that maybe I would end up successful in a whole different way. Maybe my weighted 4.0 GPA would be enough. Rather than learning for the test, I would learn for myself instead. I am telling you that if you have the drive, love, and willingness to work as hard as you do, your idea of a B performance is probably most people’s best work. You are ENOUGH. It may redefine how you look at success. In my opinion, if we are being graded, it is all graded on a curve anyway! So, in the moments where you have lost your way or when life gets overwhelming and chaotic, remember…you are enough. What you are doing is enough. This life is enough. You are winning!